'You Know I'm No Good'

[Marilyn Manson]: 'I never said to be like me, I say to be like you and make a difference.'

My life now is suprisingly incredible for now. I appreciate The Man above alot though i've rebel in such a way of accusing him. Thank you, God.

JOB

Got a job, my dream job and I thank God for this opportunity to gain experience and further up my dream career. I've learned that kids can be such as ass especially when they're not us or family. Just gotta cope with the Fuck-Faces there and the beautiful wonderful kids.

'I'd Rather Slit My Wrist Than Thinking About Hurting Kids...' - MJ

Talking about Kids, I was not so good with my beloved Nephews this few days. I hope God understand why I react such ways towards them. I promise myself to make it up to them. I hope I'll be given another chance to mend my ways of handling them. It seems to me that I loved them too much more than anyone else till I can't make any mistakes of scolding or screw them. Like I've said, they are my happiness and the ones who bring Smiles to my everyday. I just realized that I need them to start my day. I had fever and a very bad coughing. So I can get easily annoyed. You know, they can repeat the same old questions to you even when you're answered them. I simply love them with all my heart, God. Keep them safe for me =)

Where Do You Wanna Die?

I would wanna die in my Mum's arms, that's where she First hold me when I was born. Been at home for three days before I start work again and I keep staring at Mum. I can see everything on her face. I'll make it up to her if I receive some blessings from God.

'Friends Are Nothing But a Known Enemy.' - Marilyn Manson

I hurt some of my friends these days, yes, it's fucked up. I don't understand how they can fall for me that fast without even giving us a chance to be just FRIENDS instead of together. I guess they're blind enough to fall for me. Everything seems so wrong and I cried. I think it's enough.

'Crush....Crush....Crush....'

I made some mistakes also these few days. I was so damn wrong about falling for this particular Chinese guy. Mistakes... And I can't get over him after a few days of hanging out. How stupid can I be? Or is it normal for me to feel this way? I think this is Fucked Up. And now, I do try to get over him. And anyway, I have a new friend named Old Man =) He's a Friend of my Bro.. And he's older than my Bro.. Don't know if it's true la. I have a crush on his hair actually =) I hope it's not more than that.. He's like my Brother! =) He's just... Gorgeous.

Dear God, I'm Speechless. Yet, So Much To Say.

DEAR GOD,

Ok, this is shit. Really. I don't know where and how to start. I guess this is just a part of my life. In fact, everything seems to be so wrong right now. I can start crying now. Actually, i cried every night. Don't ask me why.

I don't know if there's someone who felt the same way as i do. I don't know if there's someone who suffers the same shit as me. I wish i could have that someone by my side and share everything with him or her. This is pressuring me indeed. This is KILLING me. Sometimes i wish God is by my side, really. I don't know how to talk to someone about this. No one understand me. To find someone who would understand me is hard. Sometimes i gave on life. I would sacrifice my life and soul is God is by my side.

I talked to God sometimes. And sometimes i think God don't wanna help me anymore. I've sinned, i admit. But sometimes i think this test that God is giving is really making me depressed and everything. I took pills to make me sleep, to pretend i'm okay. But i guess i can't go on living this way forever. Everyone can't live this life pretending at all the time.

I just want a proper job, proper income and proper life and happiness. My life is not complete without the things i've mentioned.

God.. Help Me?