Dear God, I'm Speechless. Yet, So Much To Say.

DEAR GOD,

Ok, this is shit. Really. I don't know where and how to start. I guess this is just a part of my life. In fact, everything seems to be so wrong right now. I can start crying now. Actually, i cried every night. Don't ask me why.

I don't know if there's someone who felt the same way as i do. I don't know if there's someone who suffers the same shit as me. I wish i could have that someone by my side and share everything with him or her. This is pressuring me indeed. This is KILLING me. Sometimes i wish God is by my side, really. I don't know how to talk to someone about this. No one understand me. To find someone who would understand me is hard. Sometimes i gave on life. I would sacrifice my life and soul is God is by my side.

I talked to God sometimes. And sometimes i think God don't wanna help me anymore. I've sinned, i admit. But sometimes i think this test that God is giving is really making me depressed and everything. I took pills to make me sleep, to pretend i'm okay. But i guess i can't go on living this way forever. Everyone can't live this life pretending at all the time.

I just want a proper job, proper income and proper life and happiness. My life is not complete without the things i've mentioned.

God.. Help Me?