The Day I Break My Vow.

Okay, seriously... This is like so long since I updated.

Hello, my dearest bloggy. I miss telling you stories.

Yesterday was like the most upsetting day ever. I had a very bad day with Hairi. Non-stop of arguments keep coming in to us. I don't really know if he knows what the fuck I'm doing.




Okay, Hairi is my primary school dude, whom I didn't talked to since we first knew each other existed - REALLY. We get closed after the gathering. Things just went so beautiful and ugly at the same time. Oh well, it doesn't matter anyways. He's a nice guy, but kuat merajok. I can handle this kinda guy but c'mon la, you're a Dick. You know, guys are suppose to be Man-ly. But Hairi is cute and damn sweet. Damn fucking sweet, I tell you. And! Pathetic ever! But then, he rocks my life.

Today, Friday 11 June 2010, is gonna be the day that I break my vow. As of today, it will be the first and last that I will step into CLUBBING, as to celebrate my Birthday - Thanks to Rahmat. I hope it's a good night. Mi kept saying 'You better come on Friday!'. I am scared of the environment as well =( Oh ya, Mi will take care of me.

Tomorrow, I'm meeting Yusuff. He promised me to get me IPOD Touch tomorrow PLUS a name for my Spain jersey! Miss you, baby.

I AM IN LOVE WITH LUKE, VOGUELICIOUS.

Have a great Friday people! =)

A Brother. A Motivator. A Friend. A Soulmate. An Angel.

Dearest Salleh,

It's been 6 days since I knew you were gone outta sight. This note, I made it for you. It's nothing much. I just wanna let you know that you've been in my head eversince everything went so wrong and ridiculous for me to accept the fact.

I know that we both know we lost contact which due to unknown reasons. I would beg on my knees to bring you back again and to know everything before you go. I don't know if you can hear me, if you can see me. I'm really outta speech and words to how to apologize. My dearest Brother, I'm really sorry for not being there for you when you need me. Today, 4th Feb 2010, I was pretending to be so strong and chose not to cry even when I have to pass by the accident area. As I'm typing out these words, I know I will still cry.

Abang, do you know that I've loads of stories to tell you? I did not expect you to go back in the arms of Allah. If you're gone for overseas, I can still be okay. But knowing this, I'm totally outta my mind. I regret, Dear Brother. I regret for not being there for you. Your voice is still in my head. Your words, your advices, your smiles, your laughters, your frowns, your looks, your eyes, your actions and speech... They're all stuck in my head. I wanna be in your arms, Brother.

Why'd you have to go? Why don't you find me? Why don't you at least chat with me? I know I should've have been the one doing that. But Abang, I should at least know that you are not okay. You say that you'll be waiting for me, you said that you'll always be there for me... Why did you leave me now? Why, Abang? Why? Why didn't you tell me that you are not okay?

I'm sorry, Brother. I'm sorry, Allah. I'm angry with myself and the situation that's been done. Allah, I wanna see Salleh and my Dad again. I wanna be there with them, in your arms.

Allah, I've been sleepless and everything since the day my Brother left me and the rest. I'm sick now. Allah, please keep Salleh and my Dad safe in your arms and paradise. Please tell them that I'm happy that They're in your arms now. Please tell them to wait for me to there with them.

Dearest Allah, please keep me strong. Please keep me healthy. I need to keep moving on. Salleh and my Dad won't be happy if I keep being this way.

Al-Fatehah for them both.
Amin.

I'm missing my Dear Brother now. I really do. I'll wait for you to come by my side, Dear Brother Logan of mine. I know you're watching me now. I know you're reading this now. Remember, Abang... I'll Be There For You And I Will Still Love You. Even More~




Rest In Peace, Masta C.

Muhammad Salleh Bin Abdul Aziz
8 April 1987 - 27 February 2010

'You Know I'm No Good'

[Marilyn Manson]: 'I never said to be like me, I say to be like you and make a difference.'

My life now is suprisingly incredible for now. I appreciate The Man above alot though i've rebel in such a way of accusing him. Thank you, God.

JOB

Got a job, my dream job and I thank God for this opportunity to gain experience and further up my dream career. I've learned that kids can be such as ass especially when they're not us or family. Just gotta cope with the Fuck-Faces there and the beautiful wonderful kids.

'I'd Rather Slit My Wrist Than Thinking About Hurting Kids...' - MJ

Talking about Kids, I was not so good with my beloved Nephews this few days. I hope God understand why I react such ways towards them. I promise myself to make it up to them. I hope I'll be given another chance to mend my ways of handling them. It seems to me that I loved them too much more than anyone else till I can't make any mistakes of scolding or screw them. Like I've said, they are my happiness and the ones who bring Smiles to my everyday. I just realized that I need them to start my day. I had fever and a very bad coughing. So I can get easily annoyed. You know, they can repeat the same old questions to you even when you're answered them. I simply love them with all my heart, God. Keep them safe for me =)

Where Do You Wanna Die?

I would wanna die in my Mum's arms, that's where she First hold me when I was born. Been at home for three days before I start work again and I keep staring at Mum. I can see everything on her face. I'll make it up to her if I receive some blessings from God.

'Friends Are Nothing But a Known Enemy.' - Marilyn Manson

I hurt some of my friends these days, yes, it's fucked up. I don't understand how they can fall for me that fast without even giving us a chance to be just FRIENDS instead of together. I guess they're blind enough to fall for me. Everything seems so wrong and I cried. I think it's enough.

'Crush....Crush....Crush....'

I made some mistakes also these few days. I was so damn wrong about falling for this particular Chinese guy. Mistakes... And I can't get over him after a few days of hanging out. How stupid can I be? Or is it normal for me to feel this way? I think this is Fucked Up. And now, I do try to get over him. And anyway, I have a new friend named Old Man =) He's a Friend of my Bro.. And he's older than my Bro.. Don't know if it's true la. I have a crush on his hair actually =) I hope it's not more than that.. He's like my Brother! =) He's just... Gorgeous.

Dear God, I'm Speechless. Yet, So Much To Say.

DEAR GOD,

Ok, this is shit. Really. I don't know where and how to start. I guess this is just a part of my life. In fact, everything seems to be so wrong right now. I can start crying now. Actually, i cried every night. Don't ask me why.

I don't know if there's someone who felt the same way as i do. I don't know if there's someone who suffers the same shit as me. I wish i could have that someone by my side and share everything with him or her. This is pressuring me indeed. This is KILLING me. Sometimes i wish God is by my side, really. I don't know how to talk to someone about this. No one understand me. To find someone who would understand me is hard. Sometimes i gave on life. I would sacrifice my life and soul is God is by my side.

I talked to God sometimes. And sometimes i think God don't wanna help me anymore. I've sinned, i admit. But sometimes i think this test that God is giving is really making me depressed and everything. I took pills to make me sleep, to pretend i'm okay. But i guess i can't go on living this way forever. Everyone can't live this life pretending at all the time.

I just want a proper job, proper income and proper life and happiness. My life is not complete without the things i've mentioned.

God.. Help Me?

Give In To Me

A CHANCE:

I know it's no point giving him a chance but I would like to do so 'cause he said he might change for me. I confront him about those shits but no matter how I want explanation, I will not believe or trust him anymore. He confessed and admit that everything is his fault. He said sorry but I don't give a damn. He admit that he wasn't even thinking about me when he's doing those shits. He did not even think about the consequences.

BRIDGE OF TRUST:

I'm sorry, man. But it's no longer there. You take advantage of that and I'll do the same. You want me to trust you, you construct and build the Bridge yourself. I would like to see you convince me or try to gain it back. You fight alone, I'll be right behind you not to support, but to laugh. Bro, it'll took me long time okay? You expect me to believe you when you 'PROVE' your 'INNOCENCE'? In this shit of yours, I'm the Innocence one, you're the Guilty Fuck. You said nobody will ever believed you? Well, now you knwow how it feels. I hope you learn those mistakes of yours 'cause it's not fun for me to cry everyday for a Man who owns no heart.

RELATIONSHIP:

I'm letting you go, you hold it back. I am single now. I am using you now. I am hiding things behind your back. But do you give a damn? It's your choice. But I will be lying to myself if I say i don't need you~

Baby, I'm stucked and I don't know what to do.

I Keep It Stored In My Head.

Question: What would you do if you found shits about your own boyfriend? He play dumb when it comes to Q&A.

Question: What would you do if you found out that your boyfriend is bitching on a Web full of Sin? Do you think he's desperate? You don't satisfy him?

Question: Do you stay for revenge or let Him go for good?

Three Fucking Cheers For my Fucking Sweet Revenge.

My first post kinda suck, it's hurting me. Yes, it really does. I don't know, what do you think? It's as simple as this: Where's The Bridge of Trust? Fuck You! Go build your own bridge of 'Jantan Sundal'.

Girls, we do have tissue heart. Agree? I would like to know if you girls do know and understand how i feel. I may look like an idiot but i love Revenge. My revenge is sweet and simple. Since bitching is fun, especially when you think you have the looks. Look, pretty girls or should i say PRETTY BITCHES in THE FUCKING WEB SIN go for money, might be looks too but 1ST PRIORITY: Money. Agree, my females? Pretty smart, huh? So how does it makes me feel when your fucking old mate is behaving like primary school kids? Curiosity is not fun. Fun to you, hurt to me. I may be small, my fist is pretty small when it lands on your fucking face.

A PUNCH, THE PAIN IS NO COMPARED TO HEARTBROKEN.

Fuck, when will you ever learn?

God, please kill this man who is not manly enough to face this fucking shit!